Tag Archives: death

The “Aid in Dying” movement – is it a good idea?

According to an article that appeared a few days ago in the New York Times,  there is a new movement in the United States called “Aid in Dying”.  It’s supporters try to avoid calling it what it really is – assisted suicide – but, whatever they call it, it’s gaining traction.   

Until 2008, assisted suicide was legal in just one state: Oregon.  Today, it’s legal in five states: Montana, Oregon, Washington, Vermont and New Mexico.  Supporters of the right for a terminally ill patient to choose aid in dying are supporting “death with dignity” bills in Connecticut and other states. 

Lawsuits in New Mexico and Montana related to this topic have resulted in a differentiation between aid in dying, which is now legal, and assisted suicide, which is still considered a crime in both of those states. 

Church groups have weighed in on the topic and claim that aid in dying is morally wrong.  However, more and more people are asking for the right to die on their own terms according to Barbara Coombs Lee, president of Compassion & Choices.  

In May 2013, a Gallup Poll was conducted.  It asked whether doctors should be allowed to “end the patient’s life by some painless means” when patients and their families want it.  70% said yes.  However, when asked whether doctors should be allowed to help a dying patient “commit suicide”, only 51% said they should.  It’s clear that the exact wording is critically important in assessing how people really feel about the issue and on what is actually legal. 

What do you think?  Should aid in dying be made legal in your state?

To learn more about other topics related to death, go to www.diesmart.com.

Planning for Incapacity or Death: “A Cranky Old Man”

A friend sent me this poem by a “Cranky Old Man”. It has a message that all of us should think about as we care for elderly or incapacitated family members.

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

Everyone needs a will. Do you have one?

It is critically important for everyone to have a will.  If you don’t have one, your wishes may not be carried out.  Why? 

First of all,  every state has laws covering what is called “dying intestate” (without a will).  These rules strictly dictate who will receive what from your estate. 

Let’s look at one example.  You have two children.  The first child worked his way through college and didn’t take any money from you.  You paid all of the fees associated with the second child getting a degree and consider that money an advance on that child’s future inheritance.  So you would like the first child to receive 75% of your assets and the second to get only 25%.  However, when you die, you do not have a will which specifies this.  According to the laws in many states, both of your children will share equally in your estate.

You may feel sentimental about some of your possessions.  Maybe you have a few special pieces of jewelry and know to which member of your family you wish to give each one.  Without a will, your wishes don’t count.

A will is also a good place to specify what you want your family to do with your body after you die.  Perhaps you wish to be buried; however, they may not know and this and may cremate your body instead.

This week, I read two interesting blogs which reminded me of  how important a subject this is.  Both, interestingly enough, come from outside of the United States. 

 The first comes from Ghana and begins by talking about the late Colonel Momar Khadafi  You may not care what Khadafi’s wishes were or that they were not carried out despite the fact that he had a will.  However, later the blog talks about the writer’s father and how he set the precedent for everyone in his village to have a will. 

The second was written by a woman in British Columbia and is a sad story about a man who told his former doctor, and later friend, about his wishes.  However, he didn’t write them in a formal will.  When he died, the doctor contacted the coroner to try to ensure that the wishes were carried out.  Instead, the man’s body was turned over to the Public Guardian and Trustee (a government group) and his wishes were disregarded.

Consider getting your will written today.  Not only will it make it easier for your wishes to be carried out but will remove an extra burden from your family members when you die.

 For more information about this subject and other related topics check out our book “Die Smart, 11 Mistakes That Cost Your Family Money When You Die”.

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MySpace – Does this digital space stay mine forever?

The simple answer is yes.  If no action is taken, your account will remain in cyberspace forever.

However, the MySpace account of someone who is deceased can be cancelled by their next of kin (mother, father, spouse, domestic partner, son or daughter).  That person will need to send proof of death (obituary or death certificate) to accountcare [Email address: accountcare #AT# support.myspace.com - replace #AT# with @ ].  That email should come from the personal email account of the person who is writing.  It should include an explanation of that person’s relationship to the deceased and the deceased’s MySpace friend ID (which can be found by clicking on the profile and copying the string of numbers or letters at the end of the URL) as well as the specific request to delete the profile.

Other options available are to preserve the profile as is or to remove some of the content that may no longer be appropriate.  MySpace will be glad to remove any content that is found objectionable.

Another choice is to create a memorial for the deceased – a group page to honor that person.  That page is then linked to the deceased’s MySpace profile.

If there is access to the email account tied to the deceased’s MySpace profile, the password can be obtained thru the Forgot Password link located on the MySpace home page.  If there is no access, the password will not be provided by MySpace.

To learn more about how to protect digital assets, check on our book “Grave Robbers…How to stop identity theft of the deceased.”

PayPal – How can I cancel a deceased’s online account?

Only the executor of the estate can close a PayPal account that is held in the name of the deceased.  To do so, the executor must fax the following documentation to 402-537-5732: 

1) A cover sheet that says the account holder is deceased and the executor wishes to close the account.

2) A copy of the account holder’s death certificate.

3) A copy of the deceased account holder’s will or other legal documentation that provides verification about the executor.

4) A copy of a photo ID of the executor.

The faxed documentation will be reviewed and, if approved, the account will be closed.  If funds are available in the account, a check will be issued in the account holder’s name, and the Executor of the Estate will then have the ability to cash the check.

What if somone wants the deceased’s password or access to the account?

According to PayPal, any requests for information about an account other than to close it must be obtained through a subpoena.

To learn more about digital accounts, check out our book “Grave Robbers…How to prevent identity theft of the deceased”.

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If the account is not cancelled, it will probably just remain inactive forever.